Estranged Student Solidarity Week | Starting uni

First year student Ellen Spicer shares what it means to be an estranged student starting uni.

Being an estranged student comes with a mixture of different emotions. There will be times I find myself upset, lonely, and even feeling guilty for leaving my situation, but I think those feelings are inevitable - especially when you’re still processing the situation.

I’m currently a few months into university and I am beginning to love the lifestyle; beginning to form friendships with people who have been extremely supportive of me and my situation, which helps a lot.

There are a lot of things that even after 13 months of zero contact with my parents I haven’t fully registered in my brain. Even when moving to university, I still hadn’t completely come to terms with the situation between myself and my parents which I think had made it harder for me to accept. I have received a lot of support from university resources such as Res Life, the wellbeing service, and the student finance team - especially since I had come to the university through clearing making the process more complicated. Although it was the best decision for my future, it is difficult not to have the support of my parents throughout not just my studies, but also my personal life too.

Especially around holidays it is tough. I’ve had a lot of flatmates who were surprised that I wasn’t going back for the break and a lot of people who don’t fully understand my situation. But I have constantly learned that there will always be those people who don’t understand, especially with how it isn’t a common situation to come across. I do believe there is a slight lack of awareness around estrangement, but I had this same mindset before I found myself in estrangement, as I didn’t fully understand how the process worked or even why people would find themselves estranged from their families.

My best advice for others in a similar situation to myself is to take advantage of the support systems in place, which can help both emotionally and financially. It may be tough in the beginning, especially since there is a lot of stigma around mental health and therapy, but in the long run it is worth it. Get a good friendship support system too. It might be tough reaching out and speaking to others but trust me, everyone is in the exact same boat in the first couple of weeks. There are always societies which offer social activities for everyone and there are so many societies for so many interests, which is a good opportunity to find other people with common interests.