Estranged Students Solidarity Week (27 Nov - 1 Dec 2023) is an opportunity to raise awareness and understanding of the experiences of students at uni without the support of their family.
What is estrangement?
We live in a society that values family - but what about people who have difficult family situations, or have lost or broken contact with parents and/or other family members i.e. they are estranged from them?
Estranged students are those studying without the support and approval of their parents and often the wider family network. Students in this position often have no contact at all with their family, have removed themselves from a dysfunctional situation or have been disowned.
Estrangement can take many forms. Some people experience a finite, sudden break in the relationship with immediate cut-off. For others, estrangement is a process or experienced as a journey. Some students may be going through this process of distancing themselves from their parents/family. Most will not use the label of ‘estrangement.’ Keep in mind that some students may decide the word does not suit them, others may not realise that what they are going through has a name.
Why do students experience estrangement?
Abuse, and particularly emotional abuse, is a key cause of family estrangement, alongside clashes of values and beliefs and mismatched expectations about family roles. Issues connected to honour-based violence, forced marriage and family rejection of LGBTQI+ students are common. There are also a proportion of estranged students who have been disowned for pursuing education against the wishes of their family or extended family network.
What challenges do estranged students face at university?
Because our society values family so much, estrangement is often misunderstood and stigmatised. Many estranged students feel unable to speak openly about difficult family situations at university for fear of judgement or rejection. Students who are estranged from their parents or family often feel unacknowledged, invisible and sensitive to judgement and stigma around their family situation. Many students who are estranged suffer over the university holidays and the summer period when most students can traditionally ‘go home.’ Students who are estranged from their family struggle with staying in Higher Education: our study showed that 41% of students had considered withdrawing from their course or suspending their studies due to money pressures, stress and mental health struggles, 14% actually had - a rate three times higher than the average student!
How can you support friends who have no relationship with their family?
1 | Normalise talking about estrangement
Estrangement is often unfamiliar to people because it’s not talked about very often. By explicitly talking about estrangement, you can let estranged students know you are including them whilst also making the concept more familiar to other potential allies.
2 | Mind your everyday language
We talk about families a lot, which can be uncomfortable for students experiencing estrangement. Sometimes even seemingly innocent questions can put estranged students in a position where they feel excluded. Ask open questions and be led by the individuals you’re speaking with. Instead of asking ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’, ask ‘What are you looking forward to over the next few weeks?’ This also keeps the conversation inclusive of students who do not celebrate Christmas!
3 | Talk to your peers
If someone tells you they are experiencing estrangement, be led directly by them on what you can do to make their lives easier. If you’re not sure about someone’s experience and they have opened the conversation, it’s ok to ask politely! Small actions can go a long way, and there may be things they need that are specific to their environment and/or their own personal experiences.
4 | Lead your Student Group
Are you part of a student group, club or society? Run events over university/college breaks so that everyone can socialise and be supported during this time. These can be digital or in person — anything to stay connected!
5 | Do the work
Thinking about holiday and university/ college closure plans can be exhausting and stressful for estranged students. If you have a friend who is estranged, what could you do to help them with their plans? Could you host someone for a holiday? Schedule regular online calls or return to campus early to meet up in person? Help your friend find out what celebrations your university is putting on for students on campus, for Christmas and other holidays throughout the year, and maybe even join in yourself!
This week we will be sharing blogs written by two of our students who have given an insight into what it is like to be estranged at university. Keep an eye out for them, to help understand more about the experiences of estranged students.
Contact your support services
Here on campus we have friendly, knowledgeable and non-judgemental teams ready to help you with everything from academic writing through to your wellbeing. Find out the support available to you and who can help you with any issues you may face while at uni.