When Jake began to experience feelings of loneliness, he had to learn to reach out, and not to suffer in silence.
I have always been a bit of a loner. I preferred talking to the teachers than running round the playground with my mates or burying my head in a book rather than talking about the latest football scores with the rest of the lads in my class. I had always been content with this. I was usually alone, but never felt lonely. When I moved to university, a very similar pattern emerged, I gained new friends and developed stronger connections to these people than I had felt at home. This small group of people finally made me feel as if I had found “my people”, they started to feel like home. I would still retreat to being on my own, allowing my battery to recharge and I would still spend much of my time without the company of others.
Feelings of loneliness
I started to notice a change when my alone time began to make me feel lonely. This feeling seeped its way into all corners of my life. No matter how many nights out, or nights in which I joined them, or how many conversations we shared together, I would still leave my friends' company feeling as if I had no one in the world. It began to drain the enjoyment out of everything I did. I no longer enjoyed my time every week with the university society I am a part of, or walking along the beach. I felt lost. All my energy felt like it was being spent just getting out of bed each day, sometimes even before that. My space where I could spend time with just my thoughts no longer felt like a protective fortress, but rather a prison that was keeping me locked in this dark pit of sadness I seemed to have found myself in.
I didn’t reach out for help initially. I suffered in the hope I could grit my teeth for a little while longer and my life would unfold back to normal. It stripped my life down until it was unrecognisable. Some days I would stay in bed, others I wouldn’t eat. My attendance to everything plummeted and I felt myself walking along this tightrope, trying to use my energy on the essentials. Other than that, I made a hermit of myself. I knew I needed help when I hadn’t spent a night not crying myself to sleep in over a fortnight.
Reaching out
I reached out to the University Wellbeing Services and was put in contact with people from student life. They listened to me rant, waffle and cry my way through my feelings, allowing me to organise and gain control over them for the first time in what felt like months. They kept my head above water, letting me rebuild my happiness bit by bit. To anyone struggling, reach out. It doesn’t matter to who, you may not trust them straight away, but soon you will find someone that helps you decompress. It’ll be hard, but you are worth the struggle.